Our gift

The reason we both met...
The reason we are being together...
The reason we decided to be together forever...

And all bcoz of me

It's normal to meet someone and being sweet together in the beginning, yet it's always memorable to me especially during the occasion which arrangements and surprises are being arranged.
These memories will always be in my mind.
Spending those precious time with him are the days that never forget.
Those laughters, joyous, tears, anger, etc are never end..
Every picture we captured tells a story.. For being how sweet we are.. What happened at that moment.. Why and when we took this..
Till now.. We took lesser and lesser pic.
And it tells how awkward we are now..
Things never come easy as we thought..
But one thing I can be ensure of is no matter how much surrounding has changed.. I believe one thing that will never change.. Which is our heart.
Human can tell lies, hide the other side of them, act, etc
But heart tells the truth..
No one will never knows what our heart tells.. Only ourselves that knows.. Deep inside our heart.
Yet, no matter how much good you've did, still the bad will always being enlarged and focus.
Freedom is the one that can show how much I love u.
I've never want to be your burden. Never want to be the reason to make you feel high blood pressure or even anger.
To the one I loved most, you'll have your freedom and I'll be your guardian angel for our family.
Thanks for loving me unconditionally.
But I know you've done your best.
I hope you'll have your true happiness..
And till you find a reason for me to be part of your family.
This is the biggest gift that I can give to you. Bubu-
Our biggest gift ever.
Loved
Roff meh

keep fighting my dear vien

there's always a reason that why on earth we met.. and it's always fate that brought us together.. chances has been given all the time.. and not holding on has been the continuous reason that we disconnected in the end.

memories are the sweetest thing that all the miracles happened and located deeply inside my heart..

it might be not as simple as to vacuum all the memories and left it blank.. coz those memories are the most precious one that i treasure all this while.. things seems tough when u try hard to forget and sweep away the memories.. no matter how long it takes.. it will be invisible without realizing.. it's been years , and i've given myself lots of time to come over all these heartbroken memories. and yes, things don bother me anymore. somehow, sometime at some moment.. memories strike into my mind again.. where i start to care again.. telling myself one day i will get rid of this feeling.  

dearest of mine

dear precious one, 

One day we might be far apart from each other..

Another day we might meet again..

Life is all about miracles..

I never thought that we'll come to this stage..where we give each other a chance to communicate and care each other..

Till a point where we realized we love each other so much..

Yet the sweetest thing is always the shortest moment in life..

I cherish and embrace every moment spend with you..

No matter what happen in the future, I'll always keep you in my heart.

A place that no one knows

A place that only you belong

Love you most.. dear

期望着那一天的来临

曾经 有那么一个他 陪伴在我身边 度过一切愉快和不愉快的 有的没的...

他听见我心底的声音 可是总是没办法保护那颗心

结果 只能 祝福我 快乐的生活

不知不觉 他也慢慢地离开我

 从此 就没有那么开心过了

开心的 也没再那么真实了

难过的时间 也该停了

很希望 有一天 也能慢慢地

找回那真实的我

停顿了那么久

是时候 继续走 那不完美的路

希望下一个他

不会这样的

留下我一个人

..............

For your viewing pleasure

Recently, here goes the conversation - 

Mr: haiz...u thought nowadays, girls can be so easily tackle? 

Ms: haiz...what i know is if u don put effort, then don't hope u can be with her. no effort no talk

Mr: put in effort already, somehow still need to wait..

Ms: wait for gold drop from sky?... u wait or she ask u to wait

Mr: she ask me to wait.... lol...how i know what u girls thinking...

Ms: if a guy very committed but didn't ask the girl to be with him?

Mr: obviously the guy wants to protect the girl... cause he's not ready yet? or might worry that he will hurt the girl if he didn't do well... n worry  that he couldn't give any happiness to the girl..

Ms: why must take things so complicated?

Mr: hehehe...He just wants the girl lives happily with him...

I'm thinking, if love is something that can be measure..it can be categorize as barter system.

well, it's actually a indescribable miracle that happens between two nature..

In believing that nothing can break the bond that they have towards each other all this while

Neither arguments, long distance relationship, nor the unexpected things that happen, yet the trust, faith, care and love will still be there..

It can be simple as that when you believe..

For the one who always be there and read my post.

I sincerely appreciate your time for me which actually encouraged me alot to blog..

For those who didn't know, I actually inactivate the account just because of discouragement from someone that i used to love so much

Surprisingly, I'm glad that I'm now totally get rid of all these and be the one that I'm comfortable with and most important thing is the unlimited happiness in my life

It's been years that I could not forget those memories and being living in the past

Hence, best friend of mine who knows me so well curious about how can it be?

....without realizing

there's someone who walks into my life

we do chat, text, talk... yet haven't get the chance to mingle around or hang out together

Time past just in a glance..

We've been like this for sometimes

just at that moment

a feeling comes to me, that makes me feel weird  

 how come there's feeling of care, worry, curiosity, and etc 

More and more of these feelings just appear without i realizing..

I tried to avoid

was thinking as it happens only when two person work things out together

...this is the moment when i realize who's actually in my heart

and should be the one who deserve

thanks for the one who bring me out form the past

am now satisfy with everything around me

..love anonymous

The Journey

我希望 他会一路在我身边

无论在哪里

都永远不会放弃我的那个守护者

累的时候 能支撑我

开心的时候 能一起分享

不开心的时候 能逗我开心

至少人生其实感觉到奇迹的出现

怎么。。

奇迹

会那么稀有 

...what i know all this while...is this..

when i do get into a relationship with someone,

i would want to keep discovering all his little quirks and understand our differences even more and work towards bridging that rather than judge and blame him for not being aligned with my ideals when things aren't so rosy.

i'd like us to have or at least develop a deeper sense of mutual respect towards each other's differences, knowing that we definitely and probably always will have some sort of friction or disagreement at different points in our relationship but fundamentally, we understand and accept each of us has the right to our own thoughts, feelings, values and ideals..but we'd work together to make it work.

Just because we really want to.

Because continuing to love someone isn't just a feeling.

It's a choice.

And it takes effort. Mutual effort.

I believe that someone in this world right now, the guy i'd end up spending the rest of my life with..probably hopes and wants the same ..

and someday...

our someday will happen.

#Lesson 365

The moment we start to care for someone or something, we are inevitably setting ourselves to be hurt. Still, we take a chance, hoping for the best.. because in that very moment, everything that was said, happened or felt.. was the complete opposite of 'feeling or worrying we'd be hurt/fail'. Because just for that one moment, we actually gave a piece of our heart away, genuinely believing that things will turn out okay..

Love thank you that it happened with all sincerity

She stared at her phone – he was last seen just five minutes ago but why.. why hasn’t he messaged at all? They’ve been messaging back and forth every single day for the past month; the length and depth of each message increasing with each new message and then.. and then today, the messages just stopped.

Surely he didn’t lose his phone – he was last seen just five minutes ago.

“Oh my god, have I stooped to such an obsessive stalking level?” she sighed. Perhaps. She knew she was falling and was sinking even deeper..

The truth that she hated to admit is that she had fallen deeper for him over their conversations. Over the dreams she had of him. Over the good morning and good night messages. They made her smile. His smile.. made her heart flutter. Every single time. She wish she could simply tell him all that.. but..

Why isn’t he messaging me? Did I say or do something wrong? Has he lost interest in me? Maybe he never was interested to begin with. What if I messaged him first? No, that’ll make me seem desperate. I don’t want to annoy him. Maybe he’s busy. Yea, he’s definitely busy. Or maybe..

She sighed again. It was almost midnight. She had been thinking about him the whole day. Waiting for his message. It never came.

“I miss you” – she began typing a new message to him.

‘I can’t send this. No way. He’d think I’m clingy. But I do miss him. Too much. And I hate feeling this way – the not knowing,’ she thought to herself.

The thing about love is.. there are different ‘stages’ before we fall. She.. was at stage three.

She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath and against her own sanity.. she hit the send button.

In a matter of seconds, she saw that he was “online”.

Surely he’s reading the message now.. but then, just as abruptly, he was back to “last seen”. No reply.

She clutched her phone close to her heart, waiting, hoping for his reply as she drifted off to sleep in tears.

There are five stages before we fall.. she is now in stage four.

She never really knew what it was or why she felt that way - but she remembered exactly how she felt the very first time he came to exist in her life.. it was almost magical.

I know it sounds ridiculous, right? I mean, these ‘love at first sight’ fantasies only exist in fairytales or Hollywood flicks. Not.In.Real.Life.

In real life, we mock at the cliché, brush it off as being idealistic - but when the moment happens, the moment where “boy meets girl and it was love at first sight”, something special actually takes place.

And it doesn’t matter what other people think or say because in that moment, two people actually believe that they could be writing the beginning of their own original love story..

They met while shopping for tomatoes in the supermarket. He was in a white shirt and blue jeans, while she was dressed in shorts and a pink top. He was sent by his mother to pick out some tomatoes for dinner and she was getting ingredients for the quiche she wanted to bake for dinner.

“Are these for today?” she asked, bagging more tomatoes in the plastic bag she was holding.

“Sorry?” he replied, confused that this random stranger was talking to him.

“Are you going to be using them today?” she asks again, gesturing at his half-filled bag of greenish-red tomatoes.

“Well, yeah, I think my mum is using them for dinner, but..” he trails off scratching his head, “I don’t usually go grocery shopping,” he admits bashfully.

She laughed. A melodious twinkly laugh.

“If you are going to use them today, you better go for the riper and redder ones,” she explains, handing him an example.

“Thanks,” he responds gratefully, reaching for the tomato in her hand.

Their hands touch. Their eyes meet. Time comes to a standstill. In that instant, under the harsh forbidding light of the supermarket, they shared a moment..

Inside, the both of them were nervous. Excited. Shy. Insecure. Unsure. In a matter of seconds, they both experienced many different kinds of emotion towards the unknown; because this particular unknown revolved around an uncertain outcome with someone each was beginning to find themselves so drawn to.

This is the funny thing about attraction. Sometimes, it just happens. Without warning, reason or explanation, we go through a whole spectrum of emotions and uncertainty over someone we just met. Someone, who, a minute ago was a complete stranger that never existed in our life, but now that they do, for some unexplainable reason, we find ourselves instantly and intensely attracted to this person.

And it’s not merely a physical adoration, it’s something a lot more than that.. willingly or unknowingly, we become emotionally and psychologically invested in that person.

Stage 1 : Attraction.

But stage 1 is not love. Stage 1 is the moment which leads to us asking ourselves a silly little hopeful question.. can this spark of attraction eventually lead to love?

It is the next stage that brings us one step closer to finding out that answer.

Stage 2: Interaction.

They smile. They exchange numbers. They talk. They message. They joke. They tease. They laugh. A lot. They realize their similarities and learn about their differences. He finds out that she has a food blog and is a brilliant cook, while she got to know that this boy’s best dish is instant noodles. She soon discovered that he is the star player of his school’s basketball team while he wouldn’t let go of her embarrassing confession that she fakes menstrual cramps to get out of Physical Education lessons.

Slowly but surely, this stranger at the tomato shelf grew into more and more of her life. Everything that she subsequently experienced, sparked a thought of him- a sunny day was his favorite weather, his phone was an iPhone, he hates the pigeons on the street..

She let him into her life, at first cautiously, still trying to guard her heart, afraid of what he might take with him if he left.. but everything that he did and said lowered her walls a little more..

Before she knew it, she entered stage 3 : Affections.

They are walking on the beach. She could smell the salty sea water. She could hear the sea gulls in the distance. She could feel the warmth from his body as he walked next to her in companionable silence.

“I think I’m falling for you,” she whispers, not looking at him.

He tilts her face up to meet his. “I think I am too,” he replies, his soulful black eyes softening as he looks at her with affection..

In that precise moment, she trips on something in the sand.

She falls, falling, falling... waiting… waiting for him to catch her before she painfully hits the ground..

Will he catch her?

She jerks awake in her bed. It was all a dream, just a dream.

She checks her phone again. He was last seen at 3:23am. Her last message at midnight showed a double tick, indicating that he had received it and surely read it. But there was still no reply.

She buries her face in her pillows and wills herself to go back to sleep, to escape this painful reality.

When we sleep, we forget. For a while.

The reply never comes. She continues to fall. Disappointed. Crushed. Heartbroken.

People will pat her back, offer words to console, tell her that they understand. Do they really? They don’t know how her heart flutters every time she saw his face break into a smile, or skipped a beat whenever he called her name in the special way that he did. They don’t know the moments, memories, secrets and feelings she shared with him. For him.

Falling in love.. such a universal experience, and yet each story so unique, so special; each emotion so strong, so new.

Sometimes, some things happen unexpectedly – by chance. And yet most times, there are choices we have to make, decisions that all play a part in molding two people’s eventual fate together. Or not.

Perhaps this time, she had stepped too far out onto the ice when it wasn’t ready.

You see, the thing about falling is.. we will come to that point where we know what or how we feel about the other person.. but we don’t know how they think and feel about us. So we thread cautiously on the ice. To be sure it’s safe. To be sure we won’t plunge ourselves through the cracked ice just because we were a bit too quick, a bit too eager to take that next step when.. well, when the ice wasn’t ready.

Days, weeks and months go by and slowly the tears start drying up. The smiles come back again and she goes through life’s routines as she had always done before.. before him. On the outside, the same bubbly and cheerful girl was back again.. but on the inside, she was now different. Scarred. Hardened. Afraid.

We go through heartbreaks in our lives. The lucky ones amongst us find our special someone after few heartbreaks. Others repeat the cycle over and over again. It’s like a game. But playing this game is tiring. It’s confusing. It’s uncertain. Frustrating. It consumes our energy, thoughts and nights. We can’t stop thinking about this one person throughout the day, and especially during the moments just before we go to sleep; then again when we wake up in the morning – worse, we actually start visualizing a future together with this person whom we have absolutely no idea what or how they feel about us.

And with the end of each relationship, we tell ourselves we have had enough and that we are sick of this game of love, that we are never going to lose our heart to another again. But do we remember the promises we made to ourselves when our hearts got broken?

She looks up.. a guy across the train catches her eye and smiles. That all-familiar smile of a new beginning..

Doubts and fears cloud her thoughts. Will this be like before? Is he really serious? Will he put in as much effort as I would? Should I? Can I? Will he? Will he not?

She looks down at her phone screen displaying prominently the three words she had subconsciously typed - “I miss you”. Her finger hovers over the ‘send’ button..

There are five stages before we fall: Attraction. Interaction. Affection. Confession. Decision.


-


(ending note)

Boy and girl meets. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Sweet perfect love story in the making..

No.

It doesn’t always happen like that.

Reality is often more complicated. Humans are complex creatures.

Stories of potential romance are not so simple or straightforward. Most boy meets girl stories don’t and won’t end in happily ever in love.

But we hardly ever talk about those stories because it’s too humiliating. It’s too painful. What could’ve been. What will never be.

‘Five before we fall’.. is meant to be that other “love” story; a story trying to make sense of the stages before we “fall” for someone.

To be honest, I actually had two versions for this narrative in mind.. the alternative version would’ve been one delving into and trying to make better sense of the games that we’re all probably guilty of playing at some point.

We don’t say it. We might not even know it.. but we do. We all do.

This is the game we play..

For some guys, it’s about the chase.
For some girls, it’s playing hard to get.

But the gameplay is complex. Try too hard.. she might see you as desperate and get turned off. Play too hard to get.. he might give up trying and move on.

Still, we play these games because we’re unsure. Of feelings. Of thoughts. Second thoughts. Third. Fourth. The whole night. Every bloody night. Damn it.

It’s a complicated game. It’s tiring. It’s confusing. It’s uncertain. There are even times the mixed signals get perceived wrongly.

A girl might think that a guy is into her.. but he isn’t. Or not yet. A guy might think the girl is not into him.. but she already is. And it scares her.

And it’s exactly why we play the games that we do. Because we’re trying to figure one another out hopefully without getting ourselves hurt. Because the one who admits falling first will hurt the most.

You see, there are no rules to this game, but I’d like to think there are different stages:

Attraction. Interaction. Affection. Confession. Decision.

In this game of falling, the moment has to be perfect. Two people who are attracted to each other and find chemistry through interaction, have to both come to the point of mutual affection at the same time before the moment of confession and decision.. because here’s the brutal truth, whoever confesses first (and when the other person isn’t ready).. loses.

You developing feelings and confessing too soon might scare him/her off. He/she might back off because maybe they feel you’re getting too serious too soon while they’re still at the “figuring out” stage.

So we play the games we play. Threading carefully on thin ice. Waiting for the opportune moment. That moment when both of you just know there’s no need to play any more games because both of you are already pretty sure of what you feel for each other even if it’s not said yet.. then comes confession and if the moment is right and you two make a mutual favorable decision to take a chance and make an effort in love.. you win. You both win.

This unspoken game we play.. there are no rules.

Well, okay maybe just one.. we have the freedom to love anyone we want; what we don’t have.. is the right or control to demand or expect them to feel the same way towards us just because we feel a certain way towards them.

Just because we love, loved or still love someone.. doesn't meant we can expect or demand the one we have feelings for to feel the same way for us.

Feelings take time to grow in or out of. That’s the most painful or potentially beautiful part.

It’s the reason why I titled this experimental narrative “Five before we fall” – the five stages before we either fall in love or fall out of love.

To you reading this, if you haven’t already met your special one.. here’s to our one day, one person, and many beautiful moments together with this other.

Because sometimes we lose, but one day, when the person and moment is right.. we’ll win.

love

The thing about moments and memories is this.. occasionally, when all factors coincide perfectly (people, time, place, circumstances, reasons, emotions, etc).. magic happens.

But the beautiful tragedy of it all is that it can only happen once. Never ever again. Not the exact same way anyway. We can go back to the same place, with the same people, recreate the environment, try to relive the memories.. but it will never be the same again. Because that "perfect magical moment" is gone.. and all that's left are memories.

So when we can, whenever that "perfect" moment happens.. seize it, live it, embrace it, appreciate it. Don't live in the regret of yesterday or worry about the what ifs of tomorrow.. because when that moment passes, it will never be (the same way) again.

But you know, that's actually the reason why it will always be special. Never again. But it happened. So let's not sigh at the moments passed, let's smile that it happened; because while you were in that moment, you truly felt something that only you will always know.. and it is that beautiful memory and feeling that will always, should always, remain real and special.. a tribute to the magic of that moment (or person).

Live. Embrace. Appreciate.

Chasing pavements with love

Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? Totally describes the way I feel right now..

The only me

Apparently, I'm busy with my work.. Truwater, teaching piano.. Missing the one that is now so far away from me. Things isn't good recently... If I be able to live just like that , as simple as possible, I'm satisfy enough. The condition doesn seems positive anymore. I know I can made it one day. Eventhough it's tough. But I'll be strong too fight all these circumstances. I will sleep when I'm tired, I'll eat when I need strength, I'll be there when u need me.

Quando Christmas II #1

Just realise when I wrote down for quando Christmas... Feel so touching when u read something bac in one year.. Realizing after one year do I live better or worst ... Here it goes, if u want me to compare to the past story of mine.. I would say I'm better now. In fact I'm not that naive n immature anymore.. By telling myself not gonna waste any time on something meaningless.. It's clear in my heart what I'm doin n what Im looking for in my life. It isn't challenging, perhaps just a simple n happy life will satisfy me. My heart beat every second like I feel yours too. The smile on my face will never fade as long as im still around ...- the night that makes me couldn fall asleep at this moment .. Sleep too much during the daytime. Such a pig, didn I? Sob

Everlasting Love equals with our eat play love

It's been a long time that i didn get to post on blog since the day i said bye to my blog..somehow i found it interesting of blogging here as it is really a small tiny space for me to take a break & have my own treasure. And here I meet a guy years ago. Lost in direction where our love stands at. Fortunately I've found the answer deep in my heart, telling me that he's the one that i'm looking for. Missing him everyday, looking forward to meet him again day after day..wondering how far can we go. Now, here I am blogging, yes! without anyone permission. It's a freedom of mine blogging the way i want it to be. well, being with him is the warmest moment in my life. words to describe my feelings; comfortable being who i am, enjoy the moment with him..love, fun, adventures, extraordinary feelings...etc. during these two months July & August, unexpectedly we spend quite lots of time together. Went Omitsu Koshi, Curve, craving for chocolate top ice cream..where he will never share with me.So we bought two con.XD  Next will be picking my love one from pudu where he came back all the way from penang :) supprisingly he felt so touch that i be able to pick him up during the rainy cold weather. Fortunately i get to find my way to pudu where it's my first time driving there - a unfamiliar place for me. after that we stop by pavillion to have our lovely lunch at Sushi Tei. Finally, Yes! we get to decide what we want to eat. At first was the long queue sushi buffet restaurant. It's really too long for us to queue until we get to have our lunch. So we ended up at this welcoming restaurant..sushi tei. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

Beef ... the best of the best hot pot. :)

This will be my art of the day - missing you will be the sweetest moment ever where it means how much u mean for me at this moment. Love can be long lasting as long as we truly deeply madly loving each other. Will never ever stop Loving you.

29 December 2011

How why what who

I wonder why. What a tiring day. Wake up early in the morning and reach home at late at night. Feel so lost when u couldn even contact a person where u have no credit or net n even d contacts of a person.

I wonder if u do miss me like how I miss u here. The happiest things is just a few msg from u. But u r so far from me. No matter how. My heart still attach to u for no reason. I just dono y.
Tired of having such time.
Sobbing

QuandoChristmas

It's the only Christmas of 2011. I have a great time working during Christmas eve n on d Christmas day itself. Meanwhile I've bunch of great friends celebrating together.
Yesterday we went one u for dinner. Yet I saw a fabulous heels which I desperately wanna buy it so much. But couldn afford it at this moment.
All of us enjoy crazy shopping at the mall. What's next for tonight? Will it be a warm white Christmas ?

I'm so doubt that I've found the answer that I'm seeking for so long. Hopefully I'll end this year with a happy ending n start a brand new year of 2012 <3

More than words

We can't look beyond d road. But we can predict the path that we've chosen to live. It's tired when a person give up but u're still there holding on. Mentally exhausted. It reaches a point where u need to stop by and have a rest at a pit stop. Will you continue after resting? Probably most of the ppl will choose the alternative way to reach the destination. The voyage seems to be very long. What makes me moved all this while is only my faith an determination. No one will ever cares. But I do. I've decided to rest for time being.

Beh tahan :(

Exam just finish. I hope everything will settle down quickly. Need to bring car for repair n work n etc.
I hope time will just past quickly !!!
I miss the smurf time!!!
I m y s m
I should go along n not leave u alone there. So that I won't be alone here too.
Another tough time for me.
Looking forward for tmr's pot bless. Mixu mixu
Yi

Gorgeous Vivien nzy

There's a period of time. Ppl keep texting me n telling me :'look how gorgeous you r Vivien in terms of self confidence and ur smile..it looks just so perfect. '
Thanks for giving me such a huge compliment to me. It means alot to boost up my self inner confident.
These bunch of my friends were so great that they sound so true to me. They've been know me for yrs.
Still yet there's no one can ever be perfect at all time.
I believe god create us in such a person n has plan all for us. I'm looking forward ,yet appreciating every moment in my life.
The scars of mine making me perfect. :)

Don ask why

For a reason. I thought you r the one who knows me well through all these yr since the day I was form in ur womb. Oh my. I wonder if u can understand me well by not asking me to go shopping or hanging out with u in the loving room with the tv. I'm seriously need to concentrate on my exam. I felt sorry for not accompanying you for shopping since I've promise u. Yet we can shop soon. I felt sorry that I've not been a good gal all these days by not helping at house cores. Sorry for being so selfish by just staying inside the room for studies n ignoring u. But mom. Sometimes it's quite annoying that I couldn even focus. Sob. Love ya. Ur one n only precious daughter. V

The first prayer

This is the very first time I pray for my concentration on anything. And I started my prayer.. 'O Lord.. Amen '
This is the first time I hardly focus on anything.
I started my day with a very pleasant conversation which warms me alot.
N here it goes.
Msgs sent via the advance technology system where it took just a second to reach to a person makes way lots more different than ancient time.. Where it actually could takes up to one month to reach to a person.
I'm glad that. Once conversation of past few months saying that we would forget each other, somehow..we would still remind each other of one's appearance. Things will fade. Everything will fade. But the love still holding on there will never fade away. Probably is the plan of God. Where I get to met someone special in life. There are so many ppl around. With different characteristic, different personality which makes us so special.
But there's only one person will always appreciate one's personality. Letting us the opportunities of meeting new friends around and get to understand ourselves well, when two are separated far away on earth for a long time. Just the way you are <3>